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Separation and Divorce: what children say

Separation and Divorce: what children say

The Law in Scotland says that if anyone has to make a decision about a child involved in a separation or divorce, account must be taken of the child’s views, if the child wishes to express them.  

We usually think of this as a child being asked where, or with which parent, they want to live.    That can place a huge burden on a child.    There are lots of other things that children want their parents to know. Here are some of the things that children say, or would like to say, to separating parents:-

  • We feel anxious and guilty when we have to choose between you

  • We don’t want the details of why you fight

  • We don’t want to pass on messages or spy on one of our parents

  • We won’t love you more if you try to outdo the other parent by buying us expensive things

  • We miss the parent we are not with, and don’t want you to make us feel bad about that

  • We don’t like it when you argue in front of us

  • Don’t bad mouth the other parent to us

  • We love you both but do not want to be like a grown up friend to confide in

  • You need to be patient if you get a new partner

  • Don’t make us pick who we want to spend time with – it is not fair on us

  • We are happy when you are happy

It is important that children do not feel caught in the middle of a dispute that is not of their making.  All children are different, but all children need to be supported by their parents through the process of separation and divorce.  Trust an expert to help you do that.   Lynne Collingham is an Accredited Child Law Specialist with 30 years’ experience of helping separated couples and children with the issues that matter most to them.  Contact Lynne at or by calling 0141 221 5562.

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Written by : Lynne Collingham